The best laid plans...

It seems like these days I am more tired than anything. I know it is usual for a "new" parent, but it still makes me feel old!

So about the baby... She turned 2 months old today. It is hard to believe that she has grown so much already. Of course, I still cannot believe my son will be 16 in March. Anyhow, she is one of the wiggliest, most determined, and most stubborn babies I have ever seen. She doesn't cry much or for long. Rather, she gives a little yell when she wants or needs something. It only becomes a cry if one of us takes too long. I knew that throughought my pregnancy she would be a wild one. She persisted in giving me constant heartburn, sciatica, and other pains. She grew quickly making me feel like a house, and I have a small frame. Even her entrance into the world was on her terms.

My actual due date was 11-28. However, since I had a c-section with my son, my doctor and I agreed that I would have another. I was scheduled for the surgery and delivery on 11-20. The first week of November I had a feeling I was not going to make it. Sure enough...

Imagine wandering through the aisles at KMART looking for odds and ends. I was in the baby aisle. I had a pair of mittens in one hand and was surveying the bath section when it happened. As I stood there, I felt what I can only describe as a sort of "pop." It didn't hurt, but I knew. In my heart I knew that in the middle of KMART my water had broken. I could only hope that the dam would hold until I could gracefully and uneventfully exit the store.

My husband had gone to another section to look at camping gear. I called him and said that we need to go...NOW! Before we left, I had him escort me to the ladie's room so that I could confirm my suspicions. Sure enough, I was beginning to leak pretty regularly. I did make it to the car though.

We had to go home to pick up the bags and my son. I changed my clothes and even put in for sick leave. I kept reassuring my husband that we had plenty of time. After all, I was certain I had not been in labor, and my son progressed fairly slowly when my water had broken with him.

We made some phone calls to friends and family on the way to the hospital. It was a 40 minute drive on the interstate. I just could not believe what was happening. I mean, I wasn't ready yet mentally. I kept thinking about the c-section I was going to have and how much I had left unfinished at home. As we drove, my contractions became more stronger and painful. I remained quiet, but clutched the arm of the door as each wave hit. I was watching the clock trying desperately to keep track of the time. But there seemed to be no regular pattern. I only knew that they were pretty regular and close together.

As we exited the interstate and neared the hospital, we found that we were stuck. There was a stalled train blocking the road. My husband cursed loudly and I could sense panic. So through clenched teeth I told him it was fine and that we still had time. Needless to say, he found another route and I continued my clenching and breathing.

I was in complete shock when we arrived less than an hour after my water haqd broken to find out I was 7 cm dialated. I knew I was now in pretty serious pain, but I had no idea. I agreed to try to forgo the c-section for a natural delivery and th enurse promised me I would receive an epidural upstairs. By the time I reached the delivery room, I was in anguish and fighting not to scream. I could not even move to the bed as they were instructing me because my whole body froze. I felt like the baby was coming. I asked the doctor if I could have anything for the pain, but he said that it was too late. I know that sheer panic raced through my veins.

I am not one of those women who dreamt of natural child birth. Mentally, I had been trying to prepare for a routine c-section and the recovery that would follow. I had no idea in the world that I would give completely natural child birth. I had no time to wrap my mind around it. I cannot lie. It hurt like hell. When anyone tells me that they or a relative or a friend wants to go the natural route, I smile and say how brave, but think to myself that they are fucking crazy. I would never ever do it by choice. Yes, I can say I had the experience...just like so many women throughout history. And I would not do it again given the choice.

We did not bring my son in the delivery room, but he could hear everything outside. His comment to me was that he could hear me say Jesus Christ repeatedly and had no idea that I was so religious. (I guess I was just trying to avoid saying Fuck). Fortunately, everything worked out just fine. She was completely healthy, even if she was 3 weeks early.

My little girl came regardless of what everyone else had planned, and it was quite an event. My water broke at 5:45 PM. She let out her first cry at 8:21 PM. After a short hospital stay, we were able to bring her home and have had no problems since. We feel very blessed and are thankful each day. Besides, now I have one hell of a story to tell generations to come.